As much as I’m trying to come to terms with TheBoy’s infidelity, I am still quite hurt that he hasn’t tried to contact me. All day I kept checking my email, text messages and Facebook. Then it dawned on me that his Facebook page should have been a clue to the fact that he was married. Even if he didn’t list himself as ‘married to’ or ‘in a relationship with’, there should have been comments from friends and family members regarding his wife. I mean it’s only natural to message a friend and mention their partner.
For example, when I put a message on S’s page, I’ll often ask about her boyfriend. Or I would put a message up for both of them. Here’s a message from last summer that I put on S’s page; she got a really bad sunburn and posted a pic of her red self:
Ha ha. Mike’s been wanting you to get a tan without bikini lines, but I think you’ve taken it too far.
Why weren’t these sorts of things on his Facebook page?
After a good hard investigation of his Facebook page I noticed that it’s mostly students on the page, and all most all of his updates and statuses were regarding University. In fact, I remember him once telling me that he loved adding students to his page because he used it as a lie detector. (The irony is not lost.) Using Facebook he could tell when a student was skiving off from class because he/she was hungover and when they were actually down with the flu. He once told me that he had a student claim that she couldn’t make it to tutorials because she had social anxiety disorder, but then he befriended her on Facebook, where he discovered hundreds of photos of her out in the clubs dancing on tables with a plethora of friends and boyfriends. She was busted.
I had hoped to do the same thing with him, but his Facebook page was spotless, and in general it was quite boring. Here’s a sample update:
Went to a really interesting Forum on the historic present tense in the writing of Chaucer. Never thought grammar could say so much about medieval culture.
Yeah. He’s a liar and a massive boring geek.
So, this meant that he either didn’t have a personal Facebook page, or he had two – with the second page under a different name.
I spent all afternoon looking for that other Facebook page. I finally found it. He went by his middle name and last name, and instead of a profile pic he had a lovely picture of the Themes with the morning sun bouncing off it. It was a private page, so I couldn’t access his profile. But, I could access his friends list, and there she was. His wife. And I also recognised a few members of staff from the Uni. It was definitely him.
He went to so much trouble to keep his double life going. I couldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have had the energy to make two Facebook pages, updating both. Keeping track of who posted on what identity, and keeping track of separate updates. It was almost like he had his real life, and he had his fake life. I always thought I was part of his real life, but I guess I was part of ‘la vie de faux’.
Hmm. Well, I may have been his fake girlfriend, but he was my real boyfriend. Lesson learned, next time I’m in a relationship, make sure that I’m as ‘real’ to him as he is to me.
How to know if your boyfriend is chating on you: I wish I’d read this two years ago.