Friday’s House Guests: The Best Weekend … Ever!

I was sitting at my desk late in the afternoon trying to sort out copyright permission with an image bank, when someone came into the office. I didn’t look up because I was in the middle of typing an email, plus most of the time it’s just another staff member. 

The woman who came in approaches my desk and says in a huffy English accent, ‘Excuse me, but I need to speak with someone immediately.’

I thought, ‘Oh great! I am not in the mood to deal with irate people today.’ So I said, ‘I’ll be with you in a moment,’ and finished what I was typing. But the person didn’t want to wait, and she said, ‘I’m looking for the worst intern on the planet. I heard she works here.’

I look up, and I cannot believe my eyes. It was D and B!!!! They both found cheep flights into Glasgow for a mini-weekend surprise. D came up from London and B from Italy.

I threw myself across my desk (no mean feat as there’s a four foot ledge in front of my desk) and squealed like I was twelve years old. I was in near tears. By that late in the day on a Friday, Boobs and NFEditor are gone for the weekend, but HarryPotter, Goatee and Intern2 were in. The moment they heard me screaming, they ran into the front room, where they found me jumping around like a mentalist.

Breathless, I introduced everyone, and B suggested that we close shop and go out for ‘after-work-office-drinks’. D nudged B and said, ‘Don’t be so rude.’ Then she turned to me and said, ‘I know you’ve got to work. We can go hangout in town until you’re off for the day.’

Everyone was just looking for a good excuse to leave early on a Friday, so Goatee said, ‘We never go out as a group. And there’s nothing of urgency happening today. I think a trip to the pub is in order.’ Goatee also said that B, D and I should stay at his, because he’s got a spare bedroom, so no one will have to sleep on the floor of my flat.

We threw B and D’s bags in Goatee’s car, and we all headed out to Bar Budda. I rang Fringe and Marathon, and Fringe rang Hall. Luckily, we got there before the Friday crowds and secured a section all for ourselves.

It was turning out to be a pretty good night. Granted, I spent the first hour or so ignoring everyone but B and D. After a while, everyone was chatting and the group really seemed to mesh. D and Goatee chatted a lot. Actually, I think D was just sizing Goatee up – to see if he was good enough for me. She’s so protective like that. B and HarryPotter totally hit it off. Which right pissed-off Fringe and Hall, who were so vying for his attention. Every time B asked HarryPotter a question, Fringe and Hall would lean in and answer for HarryPotter, like they were his long time buddies.

Marathon and Intern2 talked for ages. I kind of wanted to talk to Intern2, just out of curiosity. I mean, I’ve never really spent any personal time with him, but every time I thought about initiating a conversation with him, he seemed to be engrossed in discussion with someone else. So I never really bothered.

It was all going really well, until NFEditor turned up.

Obviously, Goatee could see the disappointment on my face, and he said, ‘It’s a work party. It would be rude not to invite everyone.’ I asked if he invited ‘everyone’, and he assured me that Boobs wasn’t coming as she couldn’t get a sitter.

NFEditor came over and wedged herself right between Goatee and I. I mean literally wedged herself in with her butt. Then she looked around the table, noticed that everyone was drinking beers (except for Goatee who was on fizzy water because he was driving, and Marathon who’s not drinking until she’s completely back to health), and said ‘What a boring bunch of saddos. Why aren’t we doing shots?’

She throws two twenty-pound notes at me and says, ‘Don’t worry. Mamma’s here’s to save the party.’ She then orders for me to, ‘Go get us a round of sex on the beach.’ I should have told her to fuck off. We’re not at work. I’m not her slave. But I’m such a wuss in front of her, so I trudge off to the bar. 

I came back with a tray of shots and the first thing she says is, ‘My change. Don’t think I won’t notice.’ I give her the change, but I can’t sit back down in my seat because the group has closed in and NFEditor is practically draped on Goatee.

Everyone does the shots, and NFEditor throws money at Hall (who she’s never met before) and orders her to go get us a round of tequilla shooters. Most everyone mumbles that they don’t want tequilla, but NFEditor barks ‘We’re doing tequilla slammers!’

I found a spot next to D, and we chatted a bit before HarryPotter leaned over and asked if I liked the new Harry Potter film. However, before I could answer, Goatee leaned in, put his hand on my knee, and asked if I wanted a drink. I said that I was on cider, but he had to be all difficult. He wanted me to come to the bar, as he didn’t know what kind of cider. I told him that I didn’t care, but he got insistent. He was going to get a round, and he wanted me to help carry the drinks.

We got back from the bar and there was a tray of tequilla shots, but only two had been drunk. I think both by NFEditor. Also, the dynamics had changed, different people were in groups, and the topics of discussion ranged from the X Factor, to Korea, to some gaming company in Dundee. We set down the round that Goatee had bought, and he and I sat slightly off to the side.

I think he may be a bit of an exhibitionist, because he was trying to slide his hand up my skirt under the table, but I kept pushing it away. I am not into being fingered in public. Plus, I had on thick tights, so a hand up the skirt would have been pointless.

HarryPotter eventually slides over next to us. He just sat there for a moment, then says, ‘I just wanted to let you know, that I have those Spaced DVDs in my car. I’d meant to give them to you at work, but I forgot. I know you want to watch them.’

I was about to say, ‘Yeah. Let’s watch them together next weekend,’ but Goatee cut me off. He says, ‘Oh, don’t worry. I can download them. There’s no need to lend her your DVDs.’

HarryPotter looked a bit dejected, so I spoke up and said, ‘No. I want to borrow the DVDs. That way I can watch them at home. Or we could get together…’

But I was cut off again by Goatee, who said, ‘That’s a good idea. We can have everyone over to my house. I’ve got a fifty inch flat screen. And I’m sure I can get the box set on blue ray.’ I don’t know why he had to make an issue of his flat screen telly. I mean, who doesn’t have a flat screen these days?

I brush off Goatee, and tell HarryPotter that I would love to borrow the DVDs. We can watch them at mine sometime. HarryPotter asks if I want to come to his car to get the box set, and I agree.

I left Goatee in the pub, and went out to the street with HarryPotter. I didn’t realise that he had parked so far away (he would have been better off leaving his car at the office), and I’d left my coat in the pub. It was really cold, so he put his coat on my shoulders. We walked in silence to his car. Not an awkward silence, because I felt like we both wanted to say something, but didn’t know what.

Finally, because I didn’t want to hear the silence any longer, I asked him if he was driving home; he was drinking after all. He said, ‘No. I’ll come back and pick-up the car in the morning.’

We got to the car, and he got the DVDs for me. Then we stood there for a moment, and he said, ‘I just want to let you know, that I didn’t sleep with Hall. I slept in her flatmate’s room.’ He stammered, laughed, and then added, ‘Her flatmate was gone for the weekend. I guess you were too drunk to remember that.’

I just said ‘Oh.’ I felt bad for assuming, but for some reason I was also kind of relieved.

We heard a familiar hooting sound, and turned around to see our lot stumbling up the street. NFEditor was draped across Intern2. It was only 8pm and she was shouting about hitting the clubs. She started digging through her handbag and pulled out a little baggy of white powder, and said, ‘I hear it’s going to snow tonight.’

I don't think she had a toothache.

Absolutely no one was impressed, and she just scared everyone off. Hall, Fringe and Marathon said that they were heading back to the flat. Marathon was quite tired, and Hall had to work in the morning. (She works at Debenhams.) Then HarryPotter said that he was going to head out too. I begged them not too go, but they all mumbled their excuses and wandered off towards the Clockwork Orange.

NFEditor was wooping-it-up, yelling that The Shed was the place to be on a Friday. She loudly stated that she could score some E. The thought of spending the evening with her was setting my nerves on edge. So, I made our excuses, and suggested that we head back to Goatee’s. Unfortunately, NFEditor thought she was invited as well. My heart sank, and I gave Intern2 –who was still holding her up – the ‘please save us, I’ll owe you forever’ eyes. He got the message and said, ‘Don’t worry. I’ll get her in a taxi. It’s time for me to head home as well.’ Thank God, he drug NFEditor down the street towards a taxi rank.

It was starting to snow a little but it wasn’t lying. Goatee suggested that we get something to eat. We needed something to absorb the alcohol, and we knew the obvious choice – Wetherspoons. The greasiest pub food on earth.

By the time we came out the restaurant, it was snowing quite a bit, and Goatee suggested that we head on home. We swung by mine so I could grab my clothes and things, and I was surprised to find that neither Fringe nor Marathon was home.

The gossiping girls

At Goatee’s, I camped-up in the spare room with D and B. Goatee kept trying to come in and offer us a cuppa, but we just wanted girl talk, so we shooed him away. D hates her job, but doesn’t want to leave as she’s afraid she won’t find another position. She’s met some good people at work, which makes it bearable, and she’s thinking about moving into the city. B loves her teaching and is thinking about immigrating to Italy. B has kind-of sort-of started seeing this French guy, but ‘it’s too early to tell.’

HarryPotter or Josh Groban?

I asked B what she thought of HarryPotter, as they seemed to get on quite well. She said he mostly talked about work, or he talked about hanging out with me. I guess he’s hung-out with Fringe and I quite a bit, maybe he’s into Fringe. That wouldn’t be such a bad couple, I guess. I asked B if she thought HarryPotter was cute – you know, for Fringe to date. And B said, ‘If you think Josh Groban is cute.’ I never thought about it before, but he does look like Josh Groban. So not my type, but yeah I can see why Fringe would be into him.

I asked D what she thought of Goatee, and she just said, ‘Yeah. He says the right things.’ That girl can be so cryptic.

Then they brought up the blog. They said they’ve been reading it, and they did not approve of me talking to TheBoy. I shushed them. I didn’t want Goatee to know I was talking to TheBoy or about the blog.

I got up and tip toed to Goatee’s room, and slid the door open quietly. Luckily he was asleep. I went back to D and B, and said ‘the coast is clear. We can talk all we want.’ D totally chastised me and gave me a right telling-off for talking to TheBoy. B was more encouraging, but said she ‘could never forgive him’ even if I did. I was so confused, and I didn’t want to talk about it, so we changed the subject.

Shahid Kapoor

They totally razzed me about having a secret crush on Raj from the Big Bang Theory. Then B admitting to having every Shahid Kapoor film on DVD. She also said that not all of them are subtitled, but she doesn’t care as she only watches them for ‘hunky Kapoor’. D just rolled her eyes.

We talked late into the night about secret celebrity crushes, and eventually I fell asleep on the bed with them.

Saturday’s Adventures with the House Guests


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