It’s like working with children

I’ll start the post with the good and end with the bad.

The Good: NFEditor is off on vacation for nearly two weeks. When I found out, I let out a little yahoo, right there in the office. In fact, I’ll do it again, YAHOOOOOOO!

Her brother came around late in the day to collect her. They’re flying out of Glasgow tonight to some poor but sunny country over ridden with drunk British tourists. God, I do hope it’s Egypt she’s going to.

Her brother is so massively skeezy. He gave me his card because he thinks he’s important and cool like that. He’s a bank manager at a local brunch up in the Highlands somewhere, and the way he talks you’d think he does the Chelsea – Canary commute. What a tool.

The Bad: I work with absolute knobheads.

Due to the thug who-ha, Boobs asked if I was okay locking up shop on my own because everyone was going to be out of the office my mid day. HarryPotter stepped in to say that he’d hang about and take me back to ‘ours’.

Goatee heard him say ‘back to ours‘ as he was crossing through the common area and made a snarky comment under his breath. I couldn’t hear what he said, but I knew it was rude, so I stood up to him and said, ‘If you have something to say, out with it.’

He then makes a comment about me ‘jumping from bed to bed’ and that I should ‘try finding some way other than on my back to pay for room and board.’

HarryPotter heard this, got all puffed up, and said, ‘Perhaps she wouldn’t have had to move in with a friend (he emphasised friend), if you weren’t always trying to get your leg over.’

To this Goatee replied, ‘You acting all innocent. Like you’re giving her a place to stay out of the kindness of your heart.’

They were right up in each other’s faces by this point, and NFEditor comes out of her office to have a big nosey. (This happened this morning. She hadn’t left for her holiday yet.) She sides right up next to Goatee and says, ‘Is that the sound of a wee midgy I hear? Oh wait no. It’s our little office errand boy.’

Goatee tells NFEditor to ‘Fuck off’ and mind her own business. Which, to be honest, made me feel kind of good. Not just because I love to see the little cowdog taken down a peg, but if Goatee is berating her then it means that they really aren’t seeing each other, and it was just a one night stand. Not that it matters, I still hate Goatee.

The mood was getting really tense, and I’ve seen both Goatee and HarryPotter’s temper. Two people I wouldn’t want to cross when angry. Intern2 tried to step in, but was pushed aside by HarryPotter who said he could ‘manage his own battles.’

Now, you’re probably asking what I was doing? Was I trying to break it up? Was I trying to calm everyone down? Not exactly. It’s not like I was doing anything to make it worse, I just wasn’t doing anything, anything at all.

I’ve since claimed that I was ‘Frozen. I didn’t know what to do,’ but in truth, I just wanted to see HarryPotter punch Goatee in his ugly little beardy face. Granted, Goatee would have probably hit back, and honestly I don’t know who would win – Goatee’s bigger than HarryPotter, but HarryPotter is younger and in better shape. I would have been an interesting fight.

Okay, not the best attitude. But I was so mad at Goatee. I hate Goatee so much, and I was hoping that in the middle of the throw-down NFEditor might accidentally get it in the jaw.

However, I was out of luck. Boobs eventually stepped in. You could totally see the mum come out. She had them each in separate corners, berating one then the other. ‘This is a place of business.’ ‘I expect you to act your age.’ ‘You know better than this.’ ‘I’m really disappointed in you right now.’

I giggled under my breath when Boobs had a right good chastising at Goatee. It was like I was watching a sibling get in trouble, but then Boobs comes over to me, points a finger in my face and says, ‘This is your fault. You need to keep your fanny to yourself for a while.’

What? Me? What about NFEditor? I didn’t say this, but my draw dropped and I pointed at NFEditor; once again like a kid tattling on a sibling. Boobs then turned to NFEditor and gave her the ‘mum’ face. You know the face. It says, ‘You better straighten up missy, or you’re in a whole heap of trouble.’ Yeah, you know the face. NFEditor stormed into her office and slammed the door.

By 3pm everyone was out of the office except HarryPotter and me. He slipped over to my desk once everyone was gone and said, ‘Wow. Lots of drama in the air.’ It was all kinds of awkward, and then he says, ‘Can you believe they think we’re sleeping together? It’s ridiculous.’

For some reason that comment got to me. I know he was trying to pay me a complement. He was trying to say, ‘Don’t listen to Goatee, you’re not a slag.’ But what I heard was ‘I wouldn’t sleep with you in a hundred years.’ So because I was already sparing for a fight and hearing whatever I wanted, I replied, ‘They should be able to tell we’re not sleeping together, because you haven’t disappeared never to return my phone calls.’

Okay, that dig about he and Hall was so uncalled for. As soon as I said it, I tried to take it back. I tried to apologise. But he wouldn’t have it. He’s just now sitting at his desk waiting to take me home, and I’m dreading the car ride back to the flat. Oh what a wonderful day.

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