I need to start this post not by telling you about my day, but thanking my blog readers. The last six months have been crazy, and without the constant support of those online I probably would have given up. When I started the blog, I had no idea that such a strong supportive community existed, and my eternal gratification goes out to those who stayed with me along the way.
The reason I am getting so sentimental about blogging is because this will be the last post of Notes from the Intern, for a while. I need to take a break from old habits. I have an addiction to blogging, and perhaps it’s not always healthy. Other people’s secrets have gotten wrapped up in my own, and I’ve forgotten that as I gossip about myself, I am gossiping about others. Not only do I need a break from the internet, the other people in my life need a break as well.
Just now, I’m on a Virgin train, Glasgow to Euston London service, and I’m starting another chapter of my life (sorry for the tired metaphor). Maybe this new chapter will have room for a blog, and hopefully I’ll be back on the blog after my travels. But for now, I just need to say thank you so much for everything.
Thank you for listening to me complain and fret. Thank you for sending messages of encouragement and sincerity. Thank you for sharing the good moments with me. I cherish all the new found friendships I have made through this blog. Thank you.
So, before I go cold turkey, I’ll write one last post.
I’ve decided, I’m going to spend 1 April to 15 July on a round the world ticket: Italy, Thailand, Australia, the USA (LA, New Orleans, New York). I’m staying with people I know all the way around. I’ll be gone for fourteen weeks, and I start my new job the first of August. I’m paying back the money I owe my Dad, and I’m putting some money aside so that D and I can get a flat together when I return. A proper flat, one with an official lease.
Will I come back to Glasgow for a visit? I sincerely hope so.
I was shuffling about the flat this morning and accidentally woke-up HarryPotter. We ate a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table together, we sat mostly in silence. I tried to apologise for last night. I said, ‘I just had some things to say to Goatee.’ HarryPotter didn’t respond. I said, ‘I didn’t sleep with him. I just needed to talk to him before I left.’
HarryPotter looked up from his Cheerios and said, ‘Are you still leaving Glasgow today?’
I told him that I was going ahead with my plans, and my train was leaving at 10:40 this morning. He said he’d help me bring by stuff to the station.
I wanted to talk; I so wanted to talk. I said, ‘Listen…’ But before I could continue, he stood up, said, ‘I need to get dressed if you’re going to make that train’ and walked out of the kitchen.
Everything from then on seemed like it was in slow motion. I dressed and double checked my packing. We moved about the flat as if the other wasn’t there. He put my stuff in his car and we drove to Central Station in silence. We parked and he helped me bring everything in. I hadn’t bought my ticket to London, so I did that while HarryPotter waited with my bags.
‘Single to Euston.’ It felt so final.
HarryPotter helped bring my baggage on to the platform. We found my carriage, and HarryPotter put my stuff in the luggage rack. We went back onto the platform outside the carriage; I had ten minutes until the train left.
We just stood there facing each other; I said, ‘It’s not like you can’t come visit me in London.’ He quietly said, ‘You know I will. You’re not getting away that easily.’
Then I bit my lip and sucked in my breath so I wouldn’t cry, and that’s when he grabbed me and hugged me. It all came flooding out, I was in tears. I heard him sniffling, but he was holding me so tight I couldn’t see his face. In a cracked voice he said, ‘Please don’t go. Stay here. Live with me.’
I held him tighter. I said, ‘Come with me. Let out your flat. Come travel. I have enough money for the both of us to go.’
This is what I wanted to say all morning, but I was too afraid after yesterday’s fight. I couldn’t stay in Glasgow and give everything up. Last night our fight was bad, but he had a point. I did let men take care of me, and it was time I took care of myself. I couldn’t toss all my plans away for HarryPotter; that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. BUT, he could come with me. We could travel together – taking care of each other. I wanted him to say ‘Yes’; I wanted HarryPotter to jump on that train and run away with me.
He held me tighter. He sniffed in then said, ‘No I can’t. I can’t. I live here. I have a job here. My family.’
And I said, ‘And I don’t live here. I have a job down south. I have opportunities I may never get again. I need to take them.’
We held each other for a moment more, then he pulled away from me, and finally he kissed me.
It was so light, just a brush against the lips. He pulled away, leaned his forehead on my forehead and said, ‘Please.’
‘I can’t stay’ I said, and then I kissed him. This time it was deep and long; it felt like it could go on forever.
The conductor blew his whistle and it was time to go.
Stepping back from him, walking backward to the carriage, felt like my body was getting torn from his. I forced myself to get onto the train. The conductor shut the door, and I found my seat. HarryPotter was still on the platform. He did a single wave and the train pulled out of the station.
My phone beeped. It was a text from HarryPotter. It read:
Your first day in the office. I wasn’t wearing a HarryPotter t-shirt. It was the Flash.