Our first fight

It’s amazing how fast everything changes.

I woke up yesterday morning curled up next to Fife. His arm and leg draped over me and my head nuzzled into his chest. I snuggled in closer and he woke up, pulling me closer to him. He looked down and kissed my forehead as I looked up to him, and I rubbed my hand across his stubbly face and then through his messy pile of hair. He kissed my cheek then excused himself to use the loo.

When he returned he smelled of mint. I gave his arm a playful slap and said that getting rid of his morning breath was unfair. I tried to get up to brush my teeth, but he pulled me back to bed. I pushed him away and tried to stand up, but he pulled me back. I rolled on top of him and held his hands down and kissed him with my horrible stinky morning breath, causing him to yell, ‘I give up. Go brush your teeth.’

We spent the morning in bed, and just after noon he popped out to the shops to get food for a late day fry-up. For the rest of the day we ate, watched a bit of telly, and read the papers. A very lazy day.

Later in the afternoon PoshPhD came around to see if we wanted to go out. She and CoolTrous were meeting some people for a pub dinner, then over clubbing. (For someone who claims to hate clubbing and only goes to make fun of the local wildlife, she does go quite often.) I didn’t think Fife would be up for a night out dancing and assumed I’d have to make our excuses, but he surprised me by jumping on the chance.

He said he hadn’t been to a club in yonks, and he would love to go. I wasn’t sure, I mean he is like really kind of old, and while CoolTrous and PoshPhD are a bit older than me, none of us have an ex-wife, kids and a mortgage. I wasn’t sure if he’d fit in. I said that we’d had a pretty big lunch and I wasn’t up for a big greasy dinner, so PoshPhD suggested that we just meet her out at the pub after they’ve eaten. She’d text us. Fife agreed to the plan, and I started worrying about the night to come.

I didn’t tell Fife my concerns, because…well…that would be rude. But not only was I worried that due to Fife’s age he wouldn’t fit in, but I was still very conscious of the fact that PoshPhD and CoolTrous were better mates with Pete than with me, and what if Pete’s out tonight. I assume that PoshPhD wouldn’t invite us out if Pete was going to be there, but she’s unbelievably oblivious to social norms, so anything was possible.

Fife and I took a bit of a disco nap, and got all glad ragged up for the evening. Or, I got glad ragged up, he just put on a fresh shirt. PoshPhD texted around 10:30 that night, to say they were going straight to the club after dinner because you can get in cheap early in the evening. PoshPhD and CoolTrous were waiting outside the club when we got there. PoshPhD wass talking her usual nonsense, but CoolTrous wasn’t responding and seemed quite agitated and a bit tipsy. CoolTrous doesn’t usually drink a lot. Well, actually, let me rephrase that. He drinks quite a bit, but I’ve never seen him drunk — until last night. 

As soon as we got into the club and PoshPhD spotted someone she knows from her department, and the flirting began. Running hands up his arms, throwing her head back in laugher, standing very close with one of her legs between his. CoolTrous couldn’t take it anymore and started throwing back the shots. This, however, had absolutely no effect on PoshPhD who continued to flirt and dance and throw herself at this other man. However, it did have an effect on me.

As CoolTrous continued to drink more his aggression grew, and eventually he took his frustrations out on everyone else.

You know what I was just thinking? If Fife were telling this story, he would build this whole thing up. He’d describe the scene, build the tension, show CoolTrous slowly losing it. Fife would ‘show us the story, not tell it.’ Well, I don’t have the patience, so I’m just going to get to the point.

CoolTrous purposefully broke up Fife and I. There I said it.

He’s a miserable dickhead who couldn’t have the girl he loved, so he broke-up another very happy couple. 

Once inside the club we ran into some people that Pete and Sarah used to hang out with. I was quite nervous at first. Would they ask about Pete? Did they even know that Pete and Sarah had left? I mean, anytime there’s a break-up, the friend thing is awkward.

Well, as it turns out, I was worrying about nothing because they didn’t even remember me. I’ve been out with them like a hundred times, I’ve been to theirs for a house party, and they even came to my flat for Pete’s birthday. I don’t know, maybe they were pretending to not remember me, just to be dicks, but they did a fantastic job of it. I totally believed they had no idea who I was.

Oh, and you know how I was worried about Fife being nearly old enough to be everyone’s dad? Would he be uncomfortable going out to a club with us? Would he make everyone else feel uncomfortable? Would it be like totally obvious he doesn’t belong?

These questions were quickly answered:

Would he be uncomfortable going out to a club with us? No, it didn’t even phase him. He walked in, ordered a round of drinks and pulled me onto the dance floor. Which leads me to question number 2…

Would he make everyone else feel uncomfortable? Yes. But not because of his age, but because he dances like a dad. You know that dance that dads do at weddings. Completely out of time, using phrases like ‘bust a move’, and doing dances that haven’t seen the light of disco ball since Kid-N-Play. Yeah, totally embarrassing. (Why couldn’t he be like HP and just not dance? I used to get annoyed that HarryPotter refused to dance, but I now can see that not dancing is actually better than dancing like a tool. Well…sort of.)

Would it be like totally obvious he doesn’t belong? No. Because the club was filled with old people. So, really, he fit in, and I stood out.

So, we’re all dancing and drinking and having a good time. Well everyone, except CoolTrous. He’s getting grumpier and grumpier until he finally explodes at me for no reason. It came out of no where. 

‘I stood up for you. When the shit hit the fan, and Pete and Sarah wanted to move into my place, I said no because I didn’t think what they did to you was right!’

Everyone in our group just stopped. Then those friends of Pete and Sarah looked at me and said, ‘Oh yeah. That’s where I know you from.’ Then they looked at CoolTrous and said, ‘There’s no need to worry about Pete. He’s gone to live with his uncle in Erskine.’

What the fuck! Pete’s got an uncle in Erskine???

I had them explain. They said that Pete’s dad is Scottish, so when CoolTrous said they couldn’t stay with him, they just went to go live with his uncle.

I cannot believe it. The entire time I wanted to break up with him, but couldn’t because I was worried about him not having any place to go, he had an uncle not too far. The entire time he lived with me and claimed he couldn’t get a job because he wasn’t British, he could have gotten a UK passport. You know, I had been more angry with Sarah for using me, but now I’m not sure. Either Pete the most underhanded fuckwit on the planet or the stupidest person alive. And I’m not sure which is worse. Fuck Pete, I hope he does end up homeless on the street with his stupid fucking guitar.

CoolTrous was not pacified by the fact that Pete and Sarah escaped being homeless, and despite his guilt having been dispelled, he still found a reason to be angry about the whole situation. He gets right up into my face and says, ‘I felt sorry for you. I really did.’

I pulled CoolTrous off the dance floor. I didn’t want this scene to happen in front of everyone, but unfortunately everyone followed us. I mean come on people. If someone is pulled away from the dance floor, it’s because they don’t want a crowd. Don’t follow them.

CoolTrous continued, ‘I knew they were sneaking around behind your back the entire time, and I openly told them that I didn’t want to be a part of it. I defended you, and when you walked in on them, I told Pete that he got what he deserved. But, as it turns out you’re just as bad as him. While Pete was sneaking around on you, you were sneaking around with him,’ and he points to Fife. ‘If you love someone, be with them. If you don’t, leave. Don’t sneak around. I’m sick of the lot of you,’ and as he said that last part he was looking at PoshPhd.

But PoshPhD and CoolTrous were not my problem right this moment, as it was starting to sink in with Fife. ‘What do you mean you walked in on them?’ he asked me.

Before I could answer CoolTrous piped up, ‘What? You didn’t know? She’s had a boyfriend for months. A live in boyfriend. And she only got rid of him when she caught him fucking her best friend.’

‘I thought you broke up with him?’

I didn’t want to look at Fife. Dejected, he just stared at me waiting for me to say that it wasn’t true. But I couldn’t lie. ‘I was going to break up with him. I really was. I left him a note to meet me. But…’

Fife’s eyes changed and his back straightened. He slammed his drink on the floor causing everyone to jump back. ‘A note? You left him a note. Fuck it. I’m not dealing with this any more,’ and he stormed out.

I was livid. How dare he act the victim. Okay, so Pete got caught before I could break up with him, but so the fuck what. I wasn’t going to let Fife be the victim; he’s withheld as much information as I have. I followed him, and outside the club I grabbed his arm. As much as I wanted to be calm, I couldn’t. I yelled and shouted.

And I’m still really really upset. How dare he be angry with me? He’s still living with his wife. We got into a relationship before he dropped that little bomb on me, yet he’s mad because I didn’t dump some loser I had no interest in staying with anyway. So what I didn’t leave Pete quicker than Fife would have liked. I didn’t know fuckwit Pete had family in Scotland. If I had known that, I probably would have broken up with him before I even met Fife. For fuck sake, I was trying to be the good Samaritan. You know what, I am still really angry over this.

Out on the street in front of the club, I yelled that he had no right to be mad. He yelled back. How long was I going to wait to break up with Pete? Would I have even dumped Pete if I hadn’t caught him shagging Sarah? He questioned whether or not I even planned on breaking up with Pete, and if the relationship was as over as I said it was. He questioned how serious I was about our relationship, and added ‘You won’t even meet my kids.’

This really got my back up. I put off meeting his sons for THEIR sake. You don’t just go introducing some new woman to your kids. These things have got to be planned and taken seriously. I told him exactly this.

‘Don’t you dare tell me I’m a bad father,’ he said in such a calm voice it was kind of frightening. ‘I am home with them every day. I have spent the last ten years of my life devoted to them. Now you and everyone else wants me to drop them from my life.’

He was twisting my words. ‘I never said you were a bad father,’ I defended myself.

He took a deep breath, flung his hands in the air and said, ‘I’m the one who’s put everything into this relationship. I’m divorcing my wife for you…’

I cut him off. For me? If they’re separated, and she’s got a boyfriend, then Fife and she should be divorced regardless of my involvement. I was not getting the blame for this, and I said as much. I continued on to say that, ‘I was going to break up with Pete. He just beat me to it. You can believe me, or not. I don’t care.’

He said that was fine, because he doesn’t know what to believe. He was going home. With that he walked off in the opposite direction to my house.

Walking home I was so angry, however when I got home, walked through the door of the house, and saw his bag on the floor, suddenly, all the anger drained away and was replaced by sadness. Fuck, I’ve done it again. I’ve found a really great guy, and I’ve screwed it up. I should have broken up with Pete straight away. I should meet his kids. I mean really, he’s a grown man wanting a grown-up relationship, and I’m acting like this is just a fling. I sat down on the floor in the lounge and just started to cry. I mean absolutely bawl my eyes out.

With my face in a throw pillow, and mascara running down the sides, I heard someone come through the front door. It was Fife and I was ecstatic. This was our first fight. That’s all, and he was here to appologise and make up.

‘I can’t fucking go home because I’ve been drinking, plus I can’t go home anyway because fucking [Dave] is in the house all weekend, and there’s no way [Helen] will ask him to leave. I can’t even fucking go home to my own house.’ And then he threw his coat across the room hitting the wall.

‘First thing tomorrow morning, I’m driving to the cottage,’ he then said.

He went into the bedroom and pulled the extra duvet off the bed, came back into the lounge and said, ‘I’m sleeping on the floor. Unless you’d prefer to be on the floor, then I’m taking the bed.’

I stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door. I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I was kind of waiting for Fife to come crawl into bed, say he was sorry, and let me snuggle up against his chest. I would have forgiven him if he’d done that. But instead he stayed in the lounge until it was light out, then I heard him leave. When I finally got out of bed this morning, I saw that he left the spare keys on the floor by the door.

Right now I don’t know what to think or feel. I’m really angry that this blew up. I’m mad at CoolTrous for causing the fight. I’m mad at Fife for blowing it out of proportions. I’m mad at myself for not kicking Pete out ages ago. But, he’s acting like a child. So what if I didn’t break up with Pete straight away. Fife’s fucking married and living with his wife. Plus, we’ve only been together for like a month or something, and suddenly we’re in some sort of serious relationship? And I’m not calling him a bad father, but why the hell should I meet his kids? We haven’t even known each other that long. He’s being ridiculous. But I really do like him, maybe even love him. He’s going through a lot, but then again I can’t make his problems my problems. I’m sick of dating older men who act like children. Fuck. I hate this. This is just really, really shit.

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