Walking Office Space

I haven’t been able to blog all weekend and it’s like I’ve had my mouth duct taped shut. Okay, not really. As I typed that I realised that kind of conjured up some sinister shit, and not being able to blog isn’t like being bound and gagged. But, wanted to post, but always had someone hovering over me. I’ll see how much I get through now, but may have to finish tomorrow, and I’ll try to hit the highlights rather than just waffle on.

So, Friday. I was all prepared to talk to Giles about Patch talking to publishers without even doing the most basic background. Had my notes and my points written out so I wouldn’t do one of my rambling freak-out which just ends in my crying ’It’s not fair’.

As the office is opened planned and there is NO WHERE to go for privacy — you can even hear people pee, it’s horrid – I went outside and called Giles from my mobile. He answered, bitched at me for not going through RobotPA, then hung up. I called RobotPA to set up a time to chat with Giles, she said ‘I’ll have him contact you this morning,’ then she hung up. Before I could even walk back into the office, my phone rang, it was Giles and he said, ‘RobotPA said that you wanted to rap.’

Holy crap! ‘Rap’? Really? I really wanted to scream, ‘I told you I wanted to talk to you. Why did I need to call your secretary?’ I wanted to yell, ‘Why can’t you act and speak like a normal person?’ I swear I was going to cry, which would not be good for my ‘Why the fuck is Patch wandering around Scotland acting like he runs the Agency’ talk.

Anyway, I didn’t have a breakdown. Instead, I briefly and calmly recalled my trips to the publishers earlier in the week and provided him with the numerous, and obvious, reasons why Patch cold calling publishers we already have a relationship with was not good for the Agency. He cut me off my third reason why this was bad, when he said, ‘I hear you and I would like to do some mind-mapping on how we can resolve these limitations and then discourse with the team over potential best practice solutions.’

Mind mapping? Now, I have no idea what he is talking about most of the time, but I know what mind mapping is. I used it in Uni for essays, and a lot of authors use it when plotting out books. Mind mapping is used when your mind is so full of ideas that it’s hard to see the bigger picture, so you kind of draw out all your thoughts and link them together with lines and such until you can figure out what you want to say (or until you figure out the narrative of your story). There’s software that will even take all your drawings and turn them into outlines. But, I cannot for the life of me figure out how Giles is going to use mind mapping to tell Patch he needs to back the fuck off my contacts.

As I have no idea what Giles is saying, I’m quiet for longer than normal, which gives him the unfortunate opportunity to continue on before I know what’s happening. He continued, ‘We’ll dialogue at the team meeting on Monday.’ Then he hung up. Which is another thing that annoys me. Both Giles and RobotPA just hang up without the obligatory ‘Bye now’ or ‘Sure thing’ sort of conclusion. They just hang up. It drives me up with wall. Sometimes, I’m not positive they’ve hung up. I just sit there in silence until the phone starts making that annoying ‘hang up the phone you moron’ screech.

I go back into the office after this annoying conversation with Giles, Patch’s phone rings, he says a few words, then he goes over to BigEyes, whispers something, she giggles, he says ‘Classic’, calls her by her surname as if they were chums in boarding school, then sits down at his computer.

The shredder is behind my desk (sort of, it’s kind of to the side and to the back), and within minutes he is standing behind me shredding little post-it notes. I turn to look, there’s not even anything listed on the post-it notes. He’s obviously trying to see what I’m doing on my computer. He sits down, and then BigEyes wanders over, stands behind me for a moment obviously trying to come up with an excuse for standing there before she says, ‘Where’s the staples?’ I pointed to the stationary cupboard and she wanders off. Then MacDraggyFeet starts her usual wandering around the office opening empty filing cabinets. Patch then just had to shred some more post-it notes. This was my entire day and I didn’t post. It was as if Shawn of the Dead met Office Space.

Although, I did have a lovely phone chat with a woman in Liverpool we’ve been talking too. Wait, I say we. ‘We’ would have been Lorainne and I. I’ll restated, a lovely woman in Liverpool that I had been talking to. She’s self published and making quite the reputation for herself. Her sales are high and she’s doing well. Trying to convince her that she should come on board with us, that we’ll get her a nice advance and find a publisher to take the burden and hassle of self-publishing off her shoulders. But she’s one of those people who enjoys the act of self-publishing. But, anyway, had a lovely chat with her, and I sincerely hope we can sway her. I think in the end it will be better for her, because I think she has the potential to go big with one of the major houses.

Anyway, I’ll pop off for now. Still have the triple date of Friday night to winge about, and the Apple store opening of Saturday. Actually, today was a pretty chill day. HP was fucking about the router because he bought one second hand that he thought would be faster, but it wasn’t, then for some reason he couldn’t get the original one working again. We just now got internet. Anyway, I spent the day watching telly. Actually, I spent the day asleep in front of the telly. I can’t remember the last time that happened.


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