Before I tell you about the chat with HP, I want you to promise me one thing my bloggy-woggy followers. Please do not tell me that I ‘need to make him talk’, or that I should ‘put my foot down’, or even that he can’t ‘do whatever he wants’. I’ve already gotten this from Betsy and Donna via message, I don’t need it from the blogosphere. I just need a rant.
HP is back in the house. Not because we’re together but because he partially owns the flat. He didn’t want to impose on his friends any longer, and he said it’s not fair that he felt compelled to move out of a flat he pays half the mortgage on. And that’s an argument I can’t disagree with. He wants to take the sofa and turn the lounge into his room. I’ll take the bedroom.
Because he doesn’t want to be ‘in a relationship’ with me just now. He needs a ‘break’. He’s ‘exhausted’ and doesn’t want any ‘drama right now.’
So, what happened between us?
I still don’t know.
We did talk. He’s not with Candy. Said he never was. I asked him over and over what happened, and all he said was that he was ‘exhausted’ and ‘too tired for all of this’. He said he can’t ‘deal with this any longer.’
I asked what he meant by ‘this’? How he could be exhausted of our relationship? That wasn’t an excuse. I said that it wasn’t right he just gets to make these decisions. That relationships can be hard and sometime you have to work on them. It’s called commitment. I called him a coward for not talking, not dealing with ‘us’.
By the end I wasn’t saying. I was screaming. He was saying nothing. He was quiet. I kept yelling.
Then he said, ‘This. This is what I can’t deal with.’ Then he turned on the XBox, said ‘we’ll have to decide what to do with the flat. If you want to move to Italy or London or wherever the fuck you think will solve your problems, go ahead. I can get a flatmate. If you want to stay…’
Then he trailed off and said, ‘Whatever. I don’t care anymore. Whatever.’
Then he started playing a game.
I stormed into my bedroom and slammed the door so hard that picture from LadyBohemia fell off the wall and the glass broke.
But, what’s weird, I didn’t cry. Yeah, me not crying. Weird. But you know what? I’m too tired as well. I’m exhausted.
I messaged back and forth with Donna and Betsy for a while. But I need to sleep. This has all been so exhausting being me.